Well the time is cursing by and Hunter is growing up really fast. I thought i’d take another moment to reflect on how things are going. Some thoughts:
Man is he growing. The first year now seemed more about physical development. He was just getting bigger and learning how to use his limbs. Now he seems more about exercising his brain. He’s constantly trying to figure stuff out. How to open jars. How doors work. Why switching a light switch here changes the brightness over there. Lots of stuff like this are all the rage at our house right now. So much so that i have found that if you’re not challenging what he knows, he gets bored quickly and then things spiral out of control. He’s a high bandwidth kid. I have no idea if this is unusual or not.
Because this is now the norm, he’s much more of a little person these days. He has expressions and words and a personality. He’s definitely a human and, to me, he’s getting cuter and cuter.
I recently heard Shondra Rhimes’ Dartmouth commencement address where she talks about how she’s both a working woman and a mother and how she juggles it all. Her answer: she doesn’t. I know how she feels. Prior to Hunter, I would work pretty late almost every night. Now I like to see Hunter before he goes to sleep. There’s a struggle between being doing well at work and seeing my family, and I don’t think there’s a good answer. Ultimately, I’ll always be failing at one of them. I’m having to get used to that fact. It’s quite a change.
Shondra says it much better than I:
If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work, I’m probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I am probably blowing off a script I was supposed to rewrite. If I’m accepting a prestigious award, I’m missing my baby’s first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter’s debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh’s last scene ever being filmed at Grey’s Anatomy.
If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the trade off. That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother. You never feel one hundred percent okay, you never get your sea legs, you are always a little nauseous. Something is always lost.
I’m constantly amazed how similar babies are to old people. The drooling, the babbling, the lack of coordination. Just very very similar. Circle of life.
Default State of Happiness
When Hunter wakes up in the morning, he’s smiling. By default, he’s happy. He’s giggling and smiling unless something happens to make him upset. It makes me think that this is the default state for most humans. I often think about this. I wonder that if we have to have something negative happen to us to be in a permanent bad mood. I see people yelling at traffic or walking the street with a frown on their face. They weren’t born that way. Something has happened. When i’m feeling upset or sad, I try to remember that. It’s the world interacting with me that got me there. It’s not how I am by default. I like that thought.