Two Ridiculous Movies

One week, 2 crazy movies.  Let me go into depth here….

Last week i saw the movie Crank 2: High Voltage. This movie is totally insane.   To illustrate how out there the film is, i’d like to repost comedian Aziz Ansari’s tweets he had while watching the movie where he reports on what’s actually happening on screen:

A dog just bit a cops duck off!


Chev is having sex on a horse racing track!!!!!  (this scene lasted 10x longer than I thought it could!)

Horse race sex scene is easily one of the most dumb/ridiculous things ever in a film. Can’t believe it. Crank 1 is dead to me.

Surely everyone has mentioned this, but Chev Chelios just killed an Asian dude and said “Chicken… and Broccoli.” Speechless.

RT @scottaukerman Here’s a lesson, kids: Tattooing your entire face will get you exactly ONE movie role.

RT @jwoliner The last “blooper” consisted of showing how an extra had shit himself. Going out with class!

Basically, I don’t want to give the impression that its cool to text or Twitter in a theatre, BUT if there is a movie with a character named PoonDong… I think its a unique situation and we were respectful in how we did

That’s right.  All of these things happened and more. For instance, there’s a Godzilla scene where Jason Statham becomes a 60 foot giant and fights in an electricity farm – for no major reason.  You have Amy Smart, the guy who played “Pedro” from Napolian Dynamite, David Carradine, Corey Haim, Jason Statham, and Ron Jeremy.   The horserace scene was so ridiculous that i had to buy the song that was playing during it out of respect. I could go on and on about how absurd this movie is, but i think you should do yourself a favor and get some beers and actually watch it for yourself.

But, my week doesn’t stop there.  I also saw the movie Splice on Sunday.  That took insanity to a whole other level.

I thought there was going to be a small alien-like thing that was just going to take out the lab and make for cool scenes similar to the movie Alien and Aliens.  However, what i was NOT prepared for was the little mutant to grow up to be like a human, have a tail with a stinger, go live with the doctors in their farm, start drawing pictures, have mutant sex with the Adrian Brody, get a pet kitten, grow wings, morph into a man, get buried alive, and then rape the mom.  THAT was unexpected and totally insane.  If you are looking for a humongous WFT, go check out this movie.

Ok, go about your business. Just had to report on that. Nothing more to see here.  Move along

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