Love, John Cusak, & Woody Allen

All according to Chuck Klosterman.

Coldplay and John Cusak are screwing us….

Coldplay songs deliver an amorphous, irrefutable interpretation of how being in love is supposed to feel, and people find themselvesjohncusack.jpg wanted that feeling for real. They want men to adore them like Lloyd Dobbler, and men want women to think like Aimee Mann, and everyone expects all their arguments to sound like Sam Malone and Diane Chambers. They think everything will work out perfectly in the end, and they don’t stop believing, because Journey’s Steve Perry insists we should never do that. In the 19th century, teenagers merely aspired to have a marriage that would be better than that of their parents; personally i would never be satisfied unless my marriage was a good as Cliff and Clair Huxtable’s (or at least as enigmatic as Jack and Meg White)….

depressing. But there’s more, little did we know….

….If we have learned anything from mass media, it’s that only people who can make us happy are those who don’t strike us as particularly desirable. Whether it’s Jerry Maguire or Sixteen Candles or Who’s the Boss or Some Kind of Wonderful or Speed Racer, we are constantly reminded that the unattainable icons of perfection we lust after can never fulfill us like the platonic allies who have been there all along.

Crap – i’ve been barking up the wrong tree for a long time. Maybe there’s some hope. Apparently Woody Allen is a savior, or not….

Woody Allen has made nebbish guys cool; he makes people assumewoody-allen01.jpg there is something profound about having a relationship based on witty conversation and intellectual discourse. There isn’t. It’s just another gimmick, and it’s no different than wanting to be with someone because they’re thin or rich or the former lead singer of Whiskeytown. And, it actually might be worse, because an intellectual relationship isn’t real at all. My witty banter and cerebral discourse is always completely contrived.

Amen, so is mine. But wait. Shit. This is disturbing.

This is all from the first chapter of Chuck Klosterman’s enjoyable read – Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. It reads very similar to a Sports Guy column but discusses popular culture instead of sports.

Monkey-Mind Story Telling

8640.jpgJust finished the book “Another Bullshit Night in Suck City” which is a great memoir about a guy who works in a homeless shelter where his dad takes refuge. Their paths cross, the author confesses to doing some pretty crazy things and barely keeps himself from living on the streets as well. The book, written by the poet Nick Flynn, is beautifully written and totally captivating.

One little excerpt that i’m thinking of today:

If one were a a Buddhist, one might say we spend much of our lives in “monkey-mind,” swinging from story to story, our thoughts never quiet. Perhaps it is our fear, that in the silence between stories, in the moment of falling, the fear that we will never find the one story which will save us, and so we lunge for another, and we feel safe again, if only for as long as w are telling it.

Nick Flynn (345)

Graduate II

Taken from (here) – thought it was worth reposting…..

There's nothing like an eviction notice to make a man resort to desperate measures. Charles Webb, author of the original novel that was made into The Graduate, was facing homelessness when he decided to sell his unfinished sequel to Random House, which plans to publish the novel next year. The book will revisit Ben Braddock and his now-wife Elaine ten years later, as they home school their two children in upstate New York. The sequel is appropriately titled Home School (unless Random House changes it to simply The Graduate II — I wouldn't be surprised), and Mrs. Robinson is somehow featured in its story. Webb isn't sure whether or not a movie will be made since he doesn't know how the rights will be handled. Originally, he didn't receive a dime for the rights to The Graduate. His last novel, New Cardiff, was adapted into the film Hope Springs.

Obviously if there is a film, the cast of the original would not return (although it would be interesting to have Katherine Ross return as her character's mother), and the Mike Nichols film is such a classic that anybody cast in the iconic roles will spark controversy and protest. Then there's the matter of the soundtrack. Okay, that is easy — a number of artists today are going for that Simon and Garfunkel sound. See the Garden State soundtrack for evidence. The thing I'm most worried about is that now we may get a sequel to Rumor Has It to explain its character's connection to Webb's follow-up.

Klosterman's Thoughts on NY

Just finished Chuck Klosterman's "Fargo Rock City" which was great. I love it anytime someone deconstructs or discusses GNR. I found an interview Chuck gave to Spin magazine where he discusses NY city. 

Living in New York makes you younger and older at the same time. It makes you younger because everyone who lives here is a drunk, and everyone stays out late, and everybody goes to shows, and everybody cares about rock bands, and movies, and generally things in America that only young people are interested in. It makes you a little bit older in the sense that everyone is jaded and has a cynical view of the world and is very distrustful.

Chuck Klosterman Interview, Spin Magazine 7/21/2005

Halo Update

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Halo is blowing up! I have some news on both the game and the movie.

Arguably the best game (both 1 and 2) in the past 5 years is being made into a movie. Last year Peter Jackson signed on as executive producer for “Halo: The Movie,” and the project was tentatively scheduled for summer 2007. That date now seems to be premature as IMDb has updated its movie listing reflecting Master Chief‘s silver screen debut has been postponed until 2008.

While a simultaneous launch of both the movie and Halo 3 would be beneficial for both parties, Bungie always claimed the two are not connected in terms of release date, so this does not automatically mean that Halo 3 is delayed as well.255px-halo3logo.png

The trailer for Halo 3 is now online and looks fantastic! .

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Genetic Enhancement is Coming

There's an interesting article about how the US (but not other countries) allows you choose your child's gender. This is done through "preimplantation genetic diagnosis," in which clinics take sperm and eggs, make embryos in lab dishes, and screen them for genetic flaws. Embryos without flaws are implanted in the mother's womb. THe US now allows you to select the sex, but it's easy to imagine when more customizations would be possible.

There will be a time where you can enhance your unborn child's attributes. It will be possible and it scares the hell out of me. I believe that takes a major toll on society and how people view and interact with each other. It's bad enough now when there's an economic gap between the haves and have-nots. Imagine what it will be like when there's an athletic and intelligence gap too.

Other resources that talk about this:

Great Movie Characters & Prarie Home

I'd like to talk about a great movie i saw this weekend. But before i do, i want to look back and mention some of the great movie characters i've seen on the big silver screen…

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  • Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything). The ideal man for women is also a pretty cool guy that guys can admire. He's a free spirit who has the balls to take out the hot smart chick in the class. He's wears a trench coat like he doesn't care, is 18 and isn't intimidated by criminal fathers, and spends his free time kickboxing.
  • Officer Bud White (LA Confidential). A man of action with a straight-as-an-arrow moral compass. Oh, and he kicks everyone's ass. He lands the hot chick, solves the most complex crime scandal I've ever seen, and does it all while taking out every abusive character in LA. He's also a great throwback to all the great old-school characters b/c he's a loner and an island all day but is completely vulerable in the precense of a woman, just like Rick in Casablanca. He's programmed to live and protect the female.
  • Ray, the kid (Jerry McGuire). Never before have i loved such a nerdy kid. He's just a stud. However, i found out later that the human head actually weighs 12 pounds (not eight).
  • Marty (Beautiful Girls). I can only say so much because it just feels weird to love Marty. But she's smart, sassy and just seems like a gal who cuts through all the bs to get to the core. And she's only 14 – which would be a great thing if it wasn't so wrong. As Tim Hutton says in teh movie, "It's not a sexual thing…she's smart, she's funny…this girl is going to be amazing." She definitely was.
  • Stanley Goodspeed (The Rock). Stanley is a kickass bio-chemist FBI agent who rocks at disarming bio-chemical weapons but completely sucks at being an in-the-field agent. He's great at trying and failing to be a badass while exchanging great dialogue with Sean Conner (Mason). A quick view of him.

The latest addition to the great list of characters is one that i witnessed this weekend….garrisonkeillor.jpg

Garrison Keillor (Prarie Home Companion). A great movie with a great cast. Meryl is fantastic as is Kevin Kline and they all provide the many layers of a complex story about a very folksy show in a town "that time forgot and decades could not improve." At the center of everything is Garrison. And he's funny. He was once quoted saying, ""God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny." Fortunately, this movie has good actors to deliver his script.

What i love about Garrison is that he represents everything that's right about the Midwest – he's smart, genuine, talented, non-pretentious, and sincere – while at the same time he represents everything that East/West coasters disrespect about the Midwest – he's simple, non-ambitious, non-trendy, and completely content. Watching him on screen mades the film feel incredibly comfortable and made me very nostalgic for MN.

Hi-Def DVD's – Hate to Love Them

The DVD world has done a super-duper “bait and switch” on me. It sucks. When I thought I was purchasing my final definitive copy of Braveheart for the rest of my life, i was dead wrong.

The studios have been working on Hi-Definition DVD’s for the past 5 years and they are finally here. They look great and it sucks. I have a very large DVD library (as do many) and was pretty happy with it. Now, I realize that my DVD’s our inferior and especially for my favorite DVD’s, i’m going to have to update/replace them so I can have the best, most beautiful version of these classics. Who wants to see Lane Meyer take the K12 down in lame Enhanced-Def which is what DVD’s are now? Not me. I need to see every possibly pixel of his $2-oweing ass.

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Today marks the day when my old babies are officially out of date as Sony announced the first 7 DVD’s to come in the new High-def format. Of course, the old battle that raged in the 80’s of Beta vs. VHS is back in the form of HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray. They represent 2 different formats that are essentially the same thing: a DVD in Hi-Def quality. The reason for the battle is that whoever owns the format makes a lot of of money. The movie studio Warner Bros. owned many of the patents and technologies around today’s lame-version DVD’s and I read that they make roughly $1 Billion a year on the royalties. So, not wanting to miss out on the next round of DVD’s – many companies are competing to own the next DVD format.

Both are basically the same but the supporting cast is different. Blu-Ray is a format created by Sony and is backed by Apple, MGM, and Disney. And, HD-DVD is a format created by WB and Toshiba and is now backed by Microsoft NEC, and Intel. Note: Blu-ray refers to the type of “laser beam” used to read the DVD. Of course HD-DVD’s also use a blue ray but they thought they’d use the super sexy “HD-DVD” name instead.

Who will win? Well, my theory is that Blu-Ray will be the victor simply because of the Playstation 3. The initial players are going to be very pricey and most people will be hesitant to purchase one as who wants to own a player for the losing format. However, the PS3 will also be a Blu-Ray player so immediately there will be over 10 million people with a blu-ray player in their home. If Microsoft has used HD-DVD in the XBox 360, it would have been a better fight but they couldn’t wait for it to be ready and botched HD-DVD’s chances.

Oh well, i guess we’ll just have to wait and see. What do you think?

Google Spreadsheet Coming

As i've stated before, i really believe that Google's looking to offer their own browser-based PC (past article here).  And, to strengthen their browser suite, they announced today that they'll be launching a browser-based spreadsheet application

I for one, couldn't be happier about this.  Quite often i've emailed around a spreadsheet for comments and discussion. To be able to share and solicit comments on it is a great thing.  Let's just hope it delivers.

X3: Cool, But Doesn't Deliver

x-men-26.jpgI just finished seeing the latest X-Men men movie, X3: United. My take: the super mutants didn’t make a super movie but on the flip side, a pretty lame director didn’t make a lame movie. X3 is alright and i give it a 7.5 out of 10.

My main complaint of the movie is its failure to do more with the plot. After the movie is finished you notice while almost all the scenes are cool, they never really deliver. It took me a while to figure out why this is. I believe this is largely due to the fact that the plot isn’t pushed or really developed. Any good comic or writer knows there are 3 parts to every good joke or story: 1) the premise, 2) examples, 3) the punchline or finale. The punchline is usually key to wrap up a joke or story and make it all work – and this is what separates merely clever people and uber-funny folks. A punchline can deliver by taking the premise to the next level or a totally different and unthinkable directions or by simply exploring/deconstructing the premise with some new facts or new perspective. Some examples:

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  • Premise: odd goofball golfers have fun on the course and local caddy Danny mingles with upperclass and worries about his uncertain future
  • Examples: golfing events, pool party.
  • Punchline: A hysterical battle between goofballs and straight golfers where the entire course is blown up and destroyed, which also determines the future for young Danny boy.

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  • Premise: big-ass shark is discovered and terrorizes a small east coast sea town
  • Examples: woman gets eaten, families on the beach are scared over Memorial Day, big shark teeth are found
  • Punchline: Two guys track and actually find the shark, battle it, have their entire boat demolished in the struggle while managing to kill it in dramatic mano a mano final moment.

Compared to other films, X3 has a great premise and the examples of it are pretty frickin’ awesome, but you’ll see it all falls apart on the punchline…

  • Premise: There’s a mutant cure developed by humans who are weaponizing it to wipe out the mutant race. The mutants can react diplomatically or violently. Parallels between curing mutants and modern-day homosexuality are lightly drawn. Also, there’s a schizo mutant who’s also the most powerful who threatens to do bad things – either destroy the world or kill everyone (nobody really knows)
  • Examples: Some mutants are “cured” by humans. Schizo mutant kills some of the main characters.
  • Punchline: battle between mutants and humans is interrupted by good mutants who stop it by “curing” some bad mutants. Schizo mutant starts mis-behaving is killed.

As you can see, this punchline does nothing to address the actual premise. The concept of what to do with the “cure” isn’t addressed in the finish. The battle doesn’t solve anything or isn’t even between two ideologies. One could argue that the final battle was whether there should be a cure offered to people. Of which you could say that the movie answers “yes, there should” but nowhere in the movie was it revealed that the good X-Men (Wolverine and company) actually cared about that fact. And to make it even more shallow, Jean Grey’s power is never fully explained or realized or solved in an interesting way.

So, all in all, a good flick but no way is it a classic.x3.jpg

Some other thoughts… Why is every mutant American (or even Canadian)? What about other countries, do they have mutants?

Also, imagine an Iranian or Iraqi or some middle eastern mutant who was both extremely powerful (on par with Magneto and Xavier) and a political terrorist for his nation – and he/she started committing acts of violence on the US citizens. Would the good X-Men protect the US? I have to imagine they would. Would then the X-Men be the sort of mutant army wing of the US government? If that was the case, would each nation have a stable of mutants protecting their country in case other nations used mutants in their army? Now, here’s a premise for a movie. Exploring the loyalties of a mutant is interesting. Are these people first American, and then mutants – protecting first the country and then their mutant race? Or, do they identify themselves as mutants who happen to be American? What if mutant terrorists were being hunted down – would good mutants have sympathy for them? Thoughts?