Category: Funny

No One Belongs Here More Than You

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I just finished this book of short stories by Miranda July. The stories are both funny and sad.  The writing is great and the stories are very unique.  It’s an easy read and I’d recommend it to anyone.

Miranda wrote and directed the movie You, Me and Everyone We Know which was very quirky but still very good.  If you like indie films, i’d recommend you check that one out

Triathlons: The Beginning

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DSC01072This morning i took out my new bike (named: Commodore Williams) for his debut ride and did 20 miles around Hains Point. It was pretty damn fun. So fun, in fact that i just registered for my first triathlon which will take place on July 7. The distance: 1 mile swim, 27 mile bike, 5 mile run. So to recap, i don’t ever swim, i just rode today for the first time, and i have exactly 1 month to figure out how to do both really well. I find myself identifying more and more with the Hains Point Awakening statue (pic on the left). Whatever, bring it. Thankfully, i have a great adviser and jockstrap (i.e. athletic supporter) in Liz to guide me through it. (Also, did you know that they’re moving The Awakening statue soon? Wtf!)

A man was out jogging in the forest one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, “What’s the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The man replied, “Look, I’m a Triathlete. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

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Ridiculous Videos Vol. 4

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It’s been a while since i’ve posted some ridiculous videos.  Vol 3 (HERE) were pretty good and i actually did a Vol. 3.5 post over the holidays.  Anyway, without any further delay, here’s Vol. 4.

This is what happens when you bring amateurs into sportscasting:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzuuTn4GSuA]

Misheard Lyrics for Yellow Ledbetter:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLd22ha_-VU]

What happens when you send a Canadian to sing the US National Anthem:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeBrjaohiJU]

Albert’s Relative Love

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This is a reminder that today is Albert Einstein’s birthday. If he were still alive in 2007, he would turn 128.

Albert Einstein tourism destinations

Few people realize that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Einstein Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. Elsa was Albert’s first cousin (maternally) and his second cousin (paternally). She was 3 years older than Albert, and had nursed him to health after he suffered a partial nervous breakdown combined with a severe stomach ailment. No children resulted from this marriage.

Albert stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was “well endowed.” In fact, he postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger when there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as “Einstein’s Special Theory of Relative Titty.”

I know, i know, that was bad. But i do like how Albert is not only a frickin’ genius but also the undisputed champion of incest chicken. Sorry Liz, Al wins.