Loo.me

I saw the new Pirates movie last night and was somewhat skeptical going in as the 2nd installment was more bloated than the first and just ok (do we really need a ferris wheel chase in a pirate movie?). The new one, however, packs much more of a punch. This quote by one of my favorite critics Michael Wilmington says it best:

The movie is almost too much. Director Gore Verbinski and producer Jerry Bruckheimer have packed “World’s End” with so much explosive action, opulent decor and surreal scenes of mayhem and madness — including a mass crab-and-ship exodus, an apocalyptic-looking waterfall and life-size and miniature hallucinatory clones of Capt. Jack, some capering around Depp’s mane and shoulder — that sometimes it’s overwhelming. This sequel is frenziedly imaginative, where the first “Pirates” was sunny, fey and friendly (like Sparrow) and the second a rollicking romp.

This weekend, i went and saw the third installment of Spider-Man. I loved the 2nd film and thought it was one of the best superhero movies ever made (although not as good as Batman Begins) so i had high hopes for S3. And i’m sad to say that it was disappointing on every level. The story was bad, the action was average and the dialogue was atrocious.

In the first two films Peter Parker was always a nerdy guy but you felt for him and wanted to see him succeed. But, in this film he was just creepy. Throughout the movie, he is either staring at MJ in a stalker-like way, wandering around with a goofy grin on his face drunk on fame, or when he’s infected by an alien goo just behaving completely odd. I kind of wanted him to get his ass kicked.

The action scenes were nicely constructed but weren’t that interesting. I always hate it when it seems that neither super-hero can die. I mean it seemed that The Sandman was completely indestructible. I mean there was no way he could die so why do we need to spend 10 minutes watch them punch each other? Every movie has good special effects these days, i’d like to see some scenes that are unique. The Matrix came out 8 years ago and those fight scenes are still cooler than any of these.

Scenes i think spidey-sucked:

• The whole engagement scene was trying to be slapstick silly and came across like something you’d see in a G-rated film. Even though i love Bruce Campbell, this scene didn’t work.
• When MJ and Harry are making food (who makes omelette’s for dinner?) they dance to the 1950’s tune “The Twist.” Who does this and why use this song? It was just flat-out strange to see in this movie. It was neither sexy, nor friendly. In a blockbuster movie that has 2 villains, it’s not a good sign when the scariest scene in the movie is when two 20-year olds are dancing.
• The entire time when Peter is “on the goo” is completely strange. Sure his character changes, but the dancing on the street and the macking on the neighbor was done in such a cheesy way that it really brought down the movie. They clearly didn’t think Tobey McGuire would pass as a dick

I went to see The Grindhouse this weekend and LOVED it.  Rodriguez’s terror flick, Planet Terror, was completely entertaining and Tarintino’s Death Proof was satisfying in on every level.

I went to see the film with 3 other friends and the best thing about the movie was how each person liked a different part and not everyone would agree on which was the best feature.   I’ve noticed this in the reviews too. Some reviewers (like this one) loved Rodriguez’s spoof while others (like this one) loved Quentin’s.  I happen to have liked Quentin’s better too – mostly because i love his quirks.

What is in the Grindhouse? As one reviewer correctly posted, it is a double feature movie where both directors brought their A-game and provided all the must-haves, such as:

zombie hordes and one-legged go-go dancers, hot rods and hot pants, evil doctors and exploding pustules, trash-talking identical-twin babysitters, castration, decapitation, dismemberment, diminutive Mexican badasses, customized motorcycles, Kurt Russell, Osama bin Laden, Fu Manchu, tasty sausage, jive-ass stuntwomen, outrageous car wrecks, buckets of blood, geysers of gore, mountains of weaponry, explosions bigger than God and of course titties, lots and lots of titties.

How could this not be one of the best movies of the year?  What did you think?

I was cruising through Blockbuster the other day and saw Kiefer and Reese on the cover of a movie called Freeway. I had never heard of it before and immediately thought it might be a cooler version of the steamy Charlie Sheen/Kristie Swanson (what happened to her?) movie The Chase. So, i went home and ordered it up on Netflix.

I have now just watched it and i’m utterly speechless. That movie was half brilliant, half totally insane. It could be a satire of serial killer movies or it could be one of the worst movies ever, i’m not sure. I’m hoping it’s the former.

Let me fill you in on the plot:

We begin with Reese Witherspoon in school and realize she’s both white trash and a total moron. She can’t read the sentence “The cat spills milk” from the blackboard. On her way home from school to her run-down white trash house she sees her mom (Amanda Plummer) first turning tricks and then getting arrested for prostitution. Minutes later the cops pick up her step-dad (after he does some crack and then tries to have sex with Reese).

Keep in mind, Reese is dressed in a very short skirt and a red leather coat. She’s supposed to be a modern day trashy Little Red Riding Hood.

Anyway, the foster care people come to get her, but she cuffs them to her bed and hits the road, i.e. The Freeway! She stops to get a gun from her gangster (but with a big heart) boyfriend, who immediately after Reese leaves, is gunned down in a drive-by shooting. After being on the freeway for 10 minutes, the car breaks down and she’s picked up by Kiefer (named Bob Wolverton)

While posing as a high-school counselor, Kiefer gets her to open up and bare her soul. We learn about her abuse and how she was molested by her foster parents. Kiefer nods understandingly, then in turn tries to rape her too. Why? Because, of course, he’s the I-5 serial killer (of young white girls) that’s been on the lam for months. Being somewhat crafty, Reese gets her gun and turns the tables on him. She then starts to interrogate him (Why do you kill girls? Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?), and then puts a bullet in his brain and leaves him for dead. After pumping 6 shells into him, she logically goes to the closest diner and woofs down a bunch of pancakes and eggs (i mean, who wouldn’t).

We are now 20 minutes into the movie.

After her meal, as she comes out of the diner, Reese is instantly arrested, interrogated and sent to an all-girls prison. In prison, she starts a fight with the alpha-female (to establish control) and is thrown into solitary confinement. In “the hole” she goes Macgyver-like and make a makeshift knife out of plastic and saran wrap. She is then released from “the hole” and has a lesbian session with Brittney Murphy and literally utters the phrase, “i’ll make out with you but no fuckin’. I’m straight.” She hides a knife in her (literally: it’s in a tampon) and then escapes (using the knife) to Mexico where she becomes a prostitute to raise money.

While she’s on the lam, new evidence comes to light and the cops realize Kiefer is the serial killer (as Reese was saying all along) and she was thus justified in trying to escape from him. Kiefer’s wife (Brooke Shields) is told by the cops that her husband is a serial killer, and immediately kills herself (in another great Suddenly Susan-esque performance).

Kiefer knows Reese is headed to her grandma’s, so he gets there first, kills grandma, puts on her bathrobe and gets into bed and waits for Reese to show up – completing the Little Red Riding Hood theme.

I won’t ruin the movie for you and let you know how it ends, but i’m sure you can figure it out.  One thing i can assure you – all this i just described really happens in this movie. It is completely insane and i enjoyed every minute of it.

If you’re looking to kill 90 minutes and need a completely unpredictable story, you should hit The Freeway up.

I recently watched the enjoyable chick-flick Love Actually.  While i really liked the movie, I found it interesting that every American portrayed in the movie is basically a complete American stereotype.  They’re what Europeans see Americans as:

• An american at the elementary school.  Of course the mom is a big entertainment star. America is all about media and fame.
• We see 3 girls from U of Wisconsin who are dumb, ridiculously hot and pretty slutty.  Again, typical view of Americans by our british counterparts.  Of course, having been to Madison campus – i’m not sure how much I disagree.  I kid, i kid.
• A dumb, morally challenged, arrogant US President played beautifully by Billy Bob Thorton.

Sure Americans put British people as the evil character in lots of movies (see Star Wars, Braveheart, and countless others), but do we have to be shameless stereotyped in their films?  .